Stop the Insanity: I'm Holding Out for the Throw Your Scale Away and Lose Weight While You Sleep Diet

It's a new year, time for a new body, a new you!

[gagging on a spoon]

PUH-LEEZE!

Is it me, or is anyone else tired of being inundated with motivational speakers, listening to there chippy voices, staring at their flat bellies and perfectly fitting designer athletic wear, coveting their unnaturally white teeth and fake smiles, as they insist that you...yes, YOU...can do it...when every inch of your physical being is, like, SHUT UP!?!?

I switch on the radio and...BAM...they're in my car and I'm frantically shoving fishy crackers in my mouth, because I was so busy and forgot to eat.

So, yeah, my metabolism is whacked.

I turn on the the t.v. and...WHAM...I'm immediately hit by dozens of diet ads (I don't have TiVO, or a DVR) oh, look, there's Chuck Norris, again (is he still living?) and, I'm sorry, but exercise television makes me want to tear Christy Brinkley's hair out and look more like, well, Susan Powter - who I can't help but like, by the way.

So, yeah, channel surfing is my sport.

I boot up my computer (the main menace to my muffin top) and...UGH...the realization that there is NO escape hits me like a ton of Cheetos - these magnets to good health and perfection are everywhere.

Motivation isn't my problem - sure, I want to be healthy and, yah, being able to look in the mirror, without cringing and feeling...meh...about myself would make me very, very happy.

Short of pitching the Throw Your Scale Away and Lose Weight While You Sleep Diet, just SHUT UP!!!

What I do need is help - obviously, mom can't live on positive attitude alone - so, I've decided to bite the perverbial bullet and do something I swore (way back when I was in my 20's) I would never do -- join Weight Watchers.

Points, weigh ins and support meetings...oh my!

What was it that changed my mind? You see, I was one of the winners in the NYC Moms Giveaway Contest - Weight Watchers Way to a Sensible You and recently received an email telling me that my, "Weight Watchers is in the mail and arriving soon!"

Some would call it divine intervention - I chose to think of as a virtual kick in the head - either way, if feeling this excited about waiting for my mail lady to call is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Yeah, it's time for a new me.